Plastic Electric 'Blog

10:38 PM

Thank You

Thank you for your messages of sympathy, etc. (I might have missed some, due to Enetation playing up, but I know there were at least two more than are currently showing up (because I saw them before they disappeared).)

I don't know if Tigger's ashes have arrived back from the vets', yet. The vets themselves don't do the cremation, but it's done via them. Tigger's ashes hadn't arrived yesterday, but they might have arrived today (I haven't checked, yet). I suspect the scattering will be done this weekend.

Ben's ashes are scattered near a bush that he used to like sleeping under. Lara's ashes (if I remember correctly) are scattered very near by, next to what used to be a fur tree. She liked the tree stump. Tigger's ashes will probably also go very nearby, as she liked sleeping in little nests of grass nearby.

The house, strangely enough, doesn't seem strangely empty. It's not an emptiness as such. It's different. It's as if it's smaller. There's less to this house now. It's as if a space that was occupied by Tigger, a space which existed for Tigger throughout this house, has closed up. This house feels smaller, and simpler, as a result. It's quieter. There's less life to it.

Still I glance in the bathroom in passing, and wander into other rooms, as if looking to see if Tigger is there. It's an old habit now, but now it just reminds me that Tigger's no longer here. Every evening meal I remember that there's no need to set aside bits of food anymore. When I wander into the back garden, it can't be to see what Tigger's doing.

Henri, our tortoise, is still around, though. She was our first pet, and, once again, is our only pet. She hasn't been our only pet since 1975. (She's been microchipped, so there's no point in stealing her. She also has a lot of distinctive scarring from before we had her, so there's even less point in stealing her. She's far too recognisable.)

Lara's death was sad. She was the first of our cats to go. But she went at a ripe old age - seventeen!

Ben's death was sadder, as we only had one cat left (Tigger).

Tigger's death has been the saddest, I think, because now all three of our cats are gone. And because Tigger was the cat who chose us.

I would like to have cats again, sometime in the future. But, as cats can be very long term things, I don't plan to have any until my life is sufficiently stable, and that sort of thing. But any such future cats would be no replacements for Ben, Lara or Tigger - they are irreplaceable.

Anyway, thanks again for your messages of sympathy.

6:21 PM

Tigger

(How Blogger has changed since I was last here!)

Well, my blog's a mess, and much neglected, but I'm not here to do anything about that right now.

I'm mourning.

My cat Tigger, who was approximately 21, has just died.

I am, of course, upset by this.

She was not eating much at all yesterday, and wasn't eating again today. Except a very small amount of stuff. And she was quiet, and seemed to be not too well. She wasn't obviously suffering, and was doing her usual things, except she wasn't eating, and was visibly sluggish in her movements.

So, she was taken to the vets' this afternoon. (They made her Cat Of The Year recently, in her honour.)

Recently, in this hot/humid weather, Tigger's taken to sleeping in a little 'nest' of grass out in the back garden. She loves it there. She was sleeping there this afternoon.

Then it came time to take her to the vets'. I didn't take her; my mother always takes her. She was taken down there, and was to stay overnight, on a drip, as she was dehydrated.

Last night, while I was watching telly, Tigger did her usual thing of standing on me while I lay on the sofa. She turned and walked around on me, enjoying getting attention. It seemed she wasn't feeling too bad, despite being off her food.

The vets' phoned late this afternoon, and reported that Tigger's kidneys had finally, truly failed. There really wasn't anything to be done. She'd also had a severe fit while at the vets'. The recommendation was that she be put to sleep.

My mother went down there, so that Tigger would not feel abandoned. Tigger recognised her owner and carer, and was reassured. She went swiftly and peacefully.

She's been brought back here, just for tonight, and I have said a postumous fairwell and goodbye. She's curled up in her 'visiting the vets'' basket, in a way she curls up when she's really happy and content and comfortable.

I am, of course, crying.

No more nice bits of food thrown to her on the floor.

No more crawling over me, purring, late at night.

No more being taken for walks around the garden.

No more sleeping on my mother's pillow, with my mother having to share Tigger's bed.

No more being brushed, purring away, enjoying being groomed and taken care of.

No more nice treats to eat right after being given pills (which she didn't like), or after coming in from the garden.

No more curling up in her little bed in the bathroom.

No more listening to the radio or television, so that she doesn't feel completely alone when we're not about.

Now, it's just like she's sleeping.

She loves sleeping.